A GLIMPSE INTO THE LIFE LESSONS I LEARN ALONG THE WAY OF BECOMING AN ADULT (AND SOON TO BE MOMMA)

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Who Am I?


My brother and his fiancée decided to cook Sunday dinner for the family tonight.
We normally eat at my Aunt Marlene's on Sundays, but we decided to change things up a bit since my brother and his fiancée have worked hard on remodeling their new house.
The family came over around 5:00pm and took a tour of the new house.
They loved the house and admired all of Danielle's decorating ideas and innovations.

Shortly after, we all sat down to eat. 
The girls all stayed in the kitchen to eat and talk and the men went into the living room to watch the Packers v. Steelers while they ate.
While eating, the conversation somehow got turned to what happened in my previous relationship.
My Aunt Annette said that Stephanie {Cullen's fiancée} had not heard the story of my new findings, so of course I had to fill her in.
I told her all about the Facebook profile and messages that were posted and how hurt and betrayed I was by all of it.
Mainly how I felt like a fool for believing my relationship was real and true.
But enough with that talk.
This is not what my post is about.

After telling my sob story, my Aunt Annette asked if I had ever seen the movie "Runaway Bride" with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.
Surprisingly, I had not watched the entire movie, but had seen bits and pieces that I had caught on TV.
She continued to explain that every time she watched the movie, she thought of me. 
I didn't quite understand, mainly because from what I knew about the movie, this woman was a maneater and ran away from her men.
How could this remind her of me?
I'm always getting broke up with... I'm never the one running away.
And I'm most definitely not a maneater.

My mother just said, "Oh Hope! We are going to watch the movie tonight.  I know exactly what Annette is trying to say!"
I just brushed it off and decided to walk into the living room to finish watching the game.
I had enough with the spotlight shining on me and all my issues.

Dinner ended, the family left to go home and my mother, of course, did not forget about watching the movie.
She found the movie on Netflix and told me that I had to sit down and watch it with her.
So, we began watching the movie...

I have to say, it took a while before I understood why it made my Aunt think of me.
It took until the part when Bob was ordering food, ordered an omelet, and Maggie ordered the same.
Ike {Richard Gere} realizes that Maggie always conforms to her chosen partner.
Ike makes the connection and asks her previous three husbands attempts what type of eggs Maggie likes.
They each tell him "same as me".

Maggie {Julia Roberts} would always adjust her interests to match whoever she was with.
It was as if she was never truly herself in the relationship.
Maggie finally realizes this after Ike confronts her on the matter and she runs away from husband attempt number four, Ike.
Although Ike is her true soulmate, Maggie had to do this in order to truly find out who she is.
 
Maggie moves to New York, begins selling her light fixtures, and sits down and tries every type of egg to discover which type she truly likes.
She finds out that she really likes eggs benedict. 
She then shows up at Ike's apartment to explain to him the real reason why she ran from him.
She tells him that with every other guy she was engaged to, she was engaged to the idea she had created for them other than the real her.
However, with Ike, he knew the real her... But she didn't know the real her herself. 
So, she had to run away in order to find herself, who she really was.
In the end, she turns in her running shoes to Ike, and they end up getting married.

It was like I had an epiphany at the end of the movie.
I don't think that I truly know who I am as a person.
I see so many similarities in myself with Maggie {although it is just a movie}.
I never realized how I conform to whoever I'm dating, but I see it now.
For example, with Andy, I started listening to the music he loved and pretended to like it too.
With Kyle, he loved to play the piano and football, so I showed an increased interest in those things.
With Taylor, of course it was baseball.
Now, I liked baseball before because I spent many nights at the ballpark with my little brother, but not to the point I showed to Taylor.
With Paul, I pretended to love to go out and party on the weekends.

Why do girls do this?
Is it because we're afraid to show who we really are?
Afraid that someone won't like us if we don't like what they like?
 
 
 
 
I've never really sat down and just thought about what I love to do, until now.
I love to watch movies with my family.
Every weekend, my family always rents movies and we watch them throughout the course of the weekend.
This is something that I really enjoy doing or just spending time with my family in general. 
 
 
 
 
Family dinners are something I cherish.
I thoroughly enjoy getting together with my family and just talking about everything that has gone on during the week.
I especially love to get my Aunt Annette's point of view on things.
She always knows the right thing to say and usually she can predict how things are going to happen. {hasn't been wrong yet!}


 
 
I also love to listen to music and sing along.
Now, I am a terrible singer, but this is something I enjoy.
Especially when I'm taking a shower and getting ready in the mornings.
My morning routine consists of turning on my favorite Pandora radio station, taking a shower, and then I sit on the sink with my feet inside the sink and I fix my hair and makeup as I sing along to the music.
Along with my music obsession, I love to blare my music rather loud while I'm driving somewhere.
This is normally due to the fact that I want to tune out my own voice.
One of my favorite things to do is plug up my iPhone to my radio, open up my music, and hit shuffle on my entire song list.
And I always think to myself, whatever song plays first is the song that is going to determine my mood for the day.
Now, between me and you, if I don't like the song, I do go back to my song list and hit shuffle again until I find a song that works with my current mood.
If I am upset, I will blast music as loud as I can in my car and I will sing to the top of my lungs.
Sometimes to the point where it seems like my voice is going to crack or the tears begin falling.
Maybe this is weird, but its who I am.
It's what I like to do.


 
 
 
My two baby cousins, Kathryn and Jaken, bring out the future mother in me.
I never really wanted to have kids {and most definitely still not to that point on my life} until Kathryn and Jaken came into the world.
They are the two cutest and sweetest individuals I have ever met.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Kathryn calls Jaken, Jakey, and Jaken calls Kathryn, Sissy.
They always wear me out when we play {kids definitely have more energy than us old folks} but I can honestly say I've never smiled or laughed more than I do with them.






I also like to look up project ideas on Pinterest.
Although, most of them never actually get done, I love to look up possible fun crafty projects that I might possibly want to do one day.
I love to write in my planner.
I like to plan out exactly what I have to get done that day and cross out each one when they are completed.
Now, I normally get lazy or tired and the list never gets completed, but I do try.
Oh, and if I do something that I didn't write down beforehand, I always write it down and then cross it off.
Maybe it's the satisfaction of crossing something off a list that I like? 
I'm not really sure.

 
I love to decorate my apartment for holidays and make my place seem more homey. 
Every time I go to Walmart, I am constantly in the home department looking at new rugs, curtains, and bed spreads.
I also love to change around my bedroom and furniture.
I haven't had a chance to do this in my new apartment, but this is something that I really enjoy doing.
I know that I wrote a post about how I always change my bedroom when I go through a breakup, so I guess this isn't something new that you didn't already know.









Also when I go to Walmart, I really enjoy playing around in the toys and getting closer to my inner child, so to speak.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
This usually occurs when I venture to Walmart with my younger brother, Jared. 







I'm not really a big sports person.
I don't follow any one sports team and I really don't understand the game of football.
I like Eli Manning, but that's about it with football.
I like UK basketball, mainly because I did my undergrad there.
I like baseball and if I had to choose a team, it would be the Reds, but I don't follow them.
I was always a cheerleader growing up and never really liked to get sweaty or dirty.
Maybe that aspect about me doesn't attract certain guys.
So what?
 
My brothers mean the world to me. 
 
We have our fights and there are many times that we don't get along, but I know those two boys would move mountains for me and I would do the same for them.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
My older brother, Jonathan, is very determined and serious {although you can't tell in this picture, haha}.
He keeps me on track and always makes sure I do the right thing.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
My younger brother, Jared, is very sweet and caring.
He brings out the immature side in me and makes my heart grow a few sizes when it needs to.







I have three shows that I do not miss.
Revenge, Betrayal, and Pretty Little Liars.
They are always recorded and sometimes watched more than once.
 



My dog, Mena, is my best friend.
She has spent many late nights awake with me learning all about immunology and pharmaceutics.
She has also spent many late nights awake with me licking away my tears as I cried.
She is my cuddle buddy every night when we lay down to go to sleep.
She is my protector anytime anyone new comes to the door or visits.
She is my source of happiness when I'm not feeling so happy.
And she is my source of laughter when I need it the most.



 
 
 
I want to travel all over the world.
I have a board on Pinterest that is full of places I want to visit one day.
I have only traveled one place on my own and that was to Chicago.
I didn't get to spend near enough time out visiting the city, but it was an experience I will never forget.


 
 
 
 
 
 
There is a chapter in my life that I miss terribly and that is the chapter when I was a teacher.
After seeing my old kiddos at the Christmas party last week, I realized how much I missed seeing their sweet faces.
They would always bring joy to my life every day, no matter what mood I was in.
 
 
 
 
 
Especially one little child individually, Thomas. 
You never realize that while you're teaching these young kids information they are going to need in the future, they also teach you about yourself.
I learned a lot about myself during this chapter in my life.
I learned how to become more caring and loving to others.
I learned how to be strong and independent.




Although I miss that chapter badly, I have enjoyed this new one I have just begun.
 

So far, I have met many new faces and became close to a few.
 
 
 
First snow in Grundy!
Me, Kimi, and Hillary had to go outside during our break from class to take a picture with the snow.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Kappa Psi glow party with my two new best friends, Kimi and Sheema!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
My big brother, Leslie, has made me feel so special all throughout my pledging to Kappa Psi!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
My Kappa Psi pledge class after our last final of our first semester of pharmacy school!






Some pictures from the ACP Christmas Party!

 
 
 
I have a lot to learn about myself.
I've never really taken the time to get to know myself.
I always jump into a new relationship and adapt to whoever he is.
I guess that's what always gave me the feeling of being needed, wanted, and necessary.
I've never just been enough for myself.
Maybe it's time to finally learn more about who I am.
 
Until next time...
 
 




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