My little brother said something to me the other day that really got me thinking.
He said, "Sis, did you know that emotional pain lasts less than 20 minutes and then the rest is self-inflicted?"
I responded, "Jared, that's nonsense. People hurt all the time. Heck, when I go through a break up, it takes me a minimum of a few months to get over the idiot before really moving on."
Jared just looked at me and shook his head, "Proven psychological fact, sis. Believe what you want, but I'm believing the facts."
I just laughed at my little 19 year old brother and thought to myself, this child has so much learning and growing up to do.
He obviously doesn't know what he's talking about or never really had his heart broken.
But after he left my room, my mind began to wonder...
Am I really making myself remain upset and sad?
Am I really self-inflicting pain and sorrow and self pity?
Then a saying came to my mind that my mother always says to me, "You can either be pitiful or powerful, but you can't be both. Choose wisely."
When going through a break up, the first couple of days are always the worst.
They're filled with constant crying, rereading old texts, looking at pictures when we were happy, etc etc. {AKA - SELF-INFLICTING PAIN}
However, I didn't realize this was self-inflicting pain until my "wise" immature little brother relayed his psychological fact to me.
After a few days of being pitiful, I usually get pissed off and go on a "deleting" spree.
I delete every picture, every text, phone numbers, etc.
I throw away birthday cards, anniversary presents, anything that reminds me of "him".
{I can be such a 'girl' sometimes.. I know.. Immature}
So the "deleting" process is over.
I feel so liberated, for a couple hours at least.
And then I think to myself... Wait! What if we get back together and I just threw away all our stuff?
And then I usually cry again and begin the "looking" process.
The "looking" process consists of looking at his Facebook page to see old pictures of him or stalking his Twitter to see what new girl he's chatting it up with.
It's pathetic really and I can't believe I'm sharing this with all of my readers.
But hey, I know deep down that each and every one of you {guys and girls included} have done the same... Even if you don't want to admit it.
Shh, your secret is safe with me.
Once again, this is all self-inflicting pain.
I always thought this was the 'moving on process'.
But doing this stuff doesn't help me move on at all.
It keeps me locked in the moment.
The moment in which he has control over my life and my emotions still.
Didn't I break up with him for a reason?
Because I didn't want to feel the way he made me feel anymore?
We won't get into all that went wrong in my previous relationship.
Nor am I going to bash someone and their character on the Internet for everyone to read.
We all have our reasons for why relationships don't work out.
And we will just leave it at that... My previous relationship did not work out for me or what I wanted in the future.
Back to the reason for this post... My little brother's wise words that opened my eyes.
Every time I look back at an old picture, I am self-inflicting pain.
Every time I look at his Facebook profile, I am self-inflicting hurt.
Every time I hear a song that reminds me of him and I don't change it, I am self-inflicting agony.
Every time I receive a text from him and I respond, I am self-inflicting heartache.
Enough with the self-inflicting.
Enough.
{You all will have to remind me to thank my "wise" immature little 19 year old brother}
On another note, I heard a song on The Voice finale last night that completely encompassed my mind.
The song is "I lived" by OneRepublic.
The words are so beautiful and have such a great message behind them.
I'm just going to post the chorus below for you all.
"I, I did it all.
I, I did it all.
I owned every second that this world could give.
Saw so many places, the things that I did.
Yeah, with every broken bone, I swear I lived."
I want to do it all.
I want to experience everything this world has to offer me.
I want to travel the world and see so many places.
I want someone who wants to LIVE this beautiful life with me.
Someone who wants to experience everything the world has to offer with me.
2014 is just around the corner.
Just a mere 14 days away.
It's time to change my mind and the way I think.
It's time to actually live my life.
Live my life and be happy with every single moment.
I can do this by self-inflicting happiness.
Self-inflicting excitement.
Self-inflicting laughter.
Self-inflicting love.
I'm beyond ready for a new beginning.
Until next time...
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