Judging Others

It recently came to my attention that there are perfect people in the world.

Who would have thought?

I was always taught that no one is perfect.

And that God is the only person perfect in this world.

But, there are people out there who think they are absolutely perfect.

And feel they can judge you since they are so perfect.

 Let me go ahead and apologize if I upset anyone with this post.

But, I am going to be very sarcastic with this entry because a recent incident really got under my skin.

Last night, a girl whom I've never met, but have talked to a few times subtweeted about a person who wanted everyone to sympathize for them when they were going through a break up, but it only took them one minute to move on.

Now, I'm not saying this post was about me, because there are a lot of people on my timeline that are going through break ups.

But, it got me thinking...

People only see what we portray through social media.

You don't see or know what anyone is going through.

I could just as easily post sappy tweets and statuses as I can happy ones.

It really doesn't matter what I'm actually feeling.

All you see is what I post.

Does that give you a right to judge someone because they aren't "acting" sad on twitter and facebook?

Whenever I go through break ups, I try to surround myself with happy people.

People who are going to make me feel better about myself.

People who take my mind off of my ex.

People who lift me up and treat me with respect. {The way a person should be treated.}

I try to get back in touch with my friends that I lost touch with due to circumstances in my past relationship.

 Does this mean that I've moved on completely?

No.

But, I'll tell you this....

It's a start.

I would rather be happy every single day, than to be depressed over a break up.

I'm the type of person who tries to see the positives in everything.

I'm not going to look up sad depressing quotes and post those as my tweets and statuses so people can see that I am struggling.

And while I'm at it, who said that is the way you're SUPPOSED to act after a break up?

Is there a rule book I didn't read on what the proper way to act after a break up is?

And if you are friends with someone and they are going through a break up, don't you want to see them happy?

Why would you want them to be depressed and upset?

I gotta say, it's very easy to judge when it's not you going through the break up.

But, just be careful, it might be you very soon.

Think about how you want to be treated...

Only one person can judge me for my actions and that's the Lord.

Just remember, he's judging you also for judging me.

Until next time...

Simplicity

 

Last night I finished up my "deleting process" and boxed everything up that I had from Taylor.

And I have to say, it was rather refreshing to get rid of so many baseballs. 

One of my friends suggested I be THAT girl and have a bonfire with all his belongings.

I have been THAT girl before, but that was back in 8th grade.

I'm a little too old to be doing such childish things now after a break up.

So, I packed it all up in a big ole box and sealed it shut.

Never to be opened again.

It's funny, I haven't cried since the day it all went down.

It's almost been a week.

I'm a little shocked at myself really, for not being more upset.

Is that strange?

I will say I had a little trouble listening to sad lovey dovey songs on the radio this past week.

But today as I was cleaning my room and Taylor Swift's new song, 'Sad Beautiful Tragic' came on, I sang right along and never felt upset or depressed or anything.

Is something wrong with me?

Is it possible that I was also wanting this break up too without even knowing it?

This is the only reasoning I have to describe my actions at the moment.

I've been through break ups before.

Plenty, actually. {No, I'm not proud of this fact.}

And I usually go into depression for about 1/3 of the amount of time that we dated.

So, if my calculations serve me correctly...

Taylor and I were together for 32 months, so I would have needed a minimum of 11 months to truly be okay.

What is going on here?

It hasn't been a week!

Don't get me wrong.

I'm not saying I'm 100% okay and happy go lucky.

But I'm NOWHERE near as bad as I really thought I was going to be.

 

Maybe it's because we were apart for the past 6 months, so I had already learned to be on my own without him.

With the past break ups, they were all local boys. {With the exception of one, Kyle.}

But Kyle wasn't what I would really call a serious relationship.

Zach and Andy were really the only other serious relationships I had before Taylor.

 I was used to spending all my free time with those boys, so when we went through the breaking up process, it was a major transition. 

Going from seeing your boyfriend every single day, to nothing at all is a big change.

But, with Taylor, I was already used to not seeing him.

 

I really thought that when I took down all the pictures and pulled out all the old birthday/anniversary cards that I would get really upset.

But, surprisingly, I didn't.

I was more happy about getting all that clutter out of my room.

 

Simplifying can be very peaceful.

Not only did I pack up all that old relationship junk, I threw out a lot of other things I was holding onto in hopes of using again someday.

There's no use for holding onto the past.

If you are not using it now, right now, get rid of it.

There is no sense in holding onto something that is doing absolutely nothing for you.

It will only take up space. {And I mean this in more than one context.}

 

I am loving this new me.

Until next time...

Wise Words

"I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person." -Oscar Wilde

The Best Is Yet To Come

The mood has struck for another post.

Odd, I know, since I just posted two days ago.

Very unlike me.

But when the mood strikes, you gotta go with it.

I'm not even really sure what I exactly want to write about, I just feel like getting my thoughts down.

My mother mentioned something to me the other night.

She said, "I know you don't want to talk about this whole break up, but I see your past relationship as a good thing."

I looked at her dumbfounded thinking, "What the hell have you been smokin' woman?"

How could she say that?

{Yes, I was a little bitter that evening}

My mother said, "You have always been the girl who was in a relationship."

"You have never truly been alone."

Alone

I hadn't really thought about that before.

I don't think I've ever been alone.

Every break up, I usually jump right into the next.

The way I deal with the healing process is by letting someone else help me do the healing.

Mom then went on to say, "You have always been dependent on someone to make you happy."

"You've never just been happy being alone."

Alone

There came that word again.

At first it was piercing to hear that word each time she said it.

But then she said this...

"You have truly been alone for the past six months."

"Taylor has been off playing baseball and you only saw him a total of two weeks during those six months."

"And you have grown so much as a person."

I stood there for a minute and took in what she said.

Yes, I had been physically alone, but was I really alone?

And then I thought, I hardly talked to Taylor during the season.

He was always busy with baseball and never really had time to just chat.

And with my work schedule, our times never matched up to give us a chance to talk.

After the season, I thought we would have more time, but the time difference with him being in Colorado and me in Kentucky really didn't allow time to talk then either.

I had been alone.

And I never even realized it.

 I then said to my mother, "Ah, just three years wasted, I suppose."

She said, "Wasted? Oh no my dear. That was exactly the plan."

The plan???

"Hope, you have grown into the person you were meant to be. And this relationship got you there. No, it wasn't Taylor that got you there, but what the relationship put you through. I'm not talking about the past two and half years when you all were at college together. I'm talking about the past six months when you were alone. You have become an independent person. I have never seen you so happy than you have been the past six months. And it wasn't a boy that made you this way. It was all you and being on your own and finding out who you truly are as a person. You have started a life. You are working a job that you absolutely love and have started on the path to a future that is as bright and beautiful as you are. You used to be a selfish person. You are not that person anymore. You give and give to these children everyday. You take time out of your evenings to help your family every night. So don't look at this past relationship as wasted time, because you have grown into a woman. This was all the Lord's plan."

"Don't you think the Lord could have done this a little quicker rather than take three years?" I said laughing through the tears.

And then she said, "All things happen in God's perfect time. Don't ever question Him."

I am no longer bitter about what happened nor do I hate Taylor.

I am grateful for the opportunity the Lord gave me in my past relationship and what it taught me.

And most importantly the way it changed me. 

I am looking forward to the future because...

THE BEST IS YET TO COME.

Until next time...

The Lord's Plan

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." -Proverbs 19:21

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

 A week ago, I prayed to the Lord to give me a sign to show me where my relationship was going with my long distance boyfriend.

I didn't pray to keep us together, nor did I pray to break us up.

I prayed that the Lord would do what is best for me, and for us.

I prayed for three nights straight for the Lord to help me out.

Saturday evening, I began redoing my room.

I had ordered some bedding the week before to make my room feel a little more grown up.

I had the bright lime green walls, with a pink stripe, and black polka dots. {very childish, but cute}

It was time for a change.

Little did I know, this was the Lord's answer to my prayer.

Keep reading and I will explain...

Since my 8th grade year or freshman year of high school, my mother and I have always redone my room with every break up.

After I went to college, we stopped redoing my room.

Mainly for two reasons.

One, I wasn't home enough anymore to really care what my room looked like.

And two, I had been with Taylor throughout my college years.

I started painting my room on Saturday evening. 

I had to prime the walls, due to such vibrant paint before, so this took an extra step.

Saturday evening, my boyfriend and I began having problems.

I won't get into how the whole thing went down, nor will I bash him in any way.

So, we'll just leave it as "problems".

The weekend passed and work began on Monday.

Thank God for an off day on Tuesday, because that's when this whole thing went down.

My boyfriend ended our relationship Tuesday morning.

We both cried.

Almost three years together is a long time.

After we hung up the phone, I burst into tears. 

No, I won't lie, I was upset. {who wouldn't be?}

 Five minutes passed and I dried up the tears and began the "deleting process".

I do believe this was the hardest part of all.

Going back through all of your pictures together, reminiscing on all the memories of when you were so happy together, and having to hit that delete button to where they can never come back.

It's very depressing, but it needed to be done.

I wanted a clean break.

My dad came home from lunch, walked into my room, and immediately asked me what was he wrong.

Dad's are always clueless when it comes to relationships.

I just told him the basics, that the relationship was over.

He told me how much he loved me.

And then he commented on my room.

"I really love your new bedding. And the wall color is perfect. You did a good job sis."

I then had the "aha" moment.

The Lord already answered my prayer and I didn't even realize it.

I don't see this as being a coincidence at all.

I know this is the Lord working through me.

It's amazing how awesome the Lord truly is.

Sometimes we have to forget what we want and listen to what the Lord is telling us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Until next time...

10 Things You Must Give Up In Order To Move Forward

One day while searching on Pinterest, I came across a pin that read "10 Things You Must Give Up In Order To Move Forward". 

I thought, hmm, how interesting and completely appropriate for this time in my life. {especially after just changing my blog name to "Moving Forward"}

So, I opened the pin and began reading.

The first thing you must give up in order to move forward was:

#1 - Letting the opinions of others control your life

Reading #1 was an eye opener for me. 

I have been letting my dad's opinions of what I should do with my life control what I was actually doing with my life.

And I put an end to that when I stood up to him.

It wasn't easy, tears were shed, but I know my father respects me for standing up for what I believe in.

He may be disappointed in my decision, but he's still my father and I love him with all my heart just as he loves me.

He wants what's best for my life and not have to want for anything and I get that. 

But, I have to do what makes me happy, not what is going to make the most money someday.

If you are reading this and realizing that you are letting the opinions of others control your life, remember...

It's not what others think, it's what you think about yourself that controls your life.

And, you have to do exactly what's best for you and your life, not what's best for everyone else.

#2 - The shame of past failures

This one kind of got to me, for one reason.

When I didn't get into pharmacy school this past fall, I felt like a screw up.

Mainly because I wanted to please my father and make him feel proud of me.

But now, I see it as a blessing.

If I would have gotten into pharmacy school, more than two things would have happened.

One, I would have became a pharmacist and hated my job.

Or two, I would have failed out with a huge student loan to pay off with no way of doing so.

God always has a bigger plan for us than we have for ourselves.

Sometimes, we gotta let go and leave things in His hands.

Trust in the Lord to do what is right with our lives, even though we have other plans in mind.

If you are reading this and feel like you are letting the shame of past failures hold you back, remember...

Your past does not equal your future.

And, all that matters is what you're doing right now.

#3 - Being indecisive about what you want

Once again, I'm going to relate this back to my issue about pharmacy school and teaching, because well, that's how this applies to me!

And after all, this blog is about my life. 

Anyways, I was being majorly indecisive about what I wanted to do with my life back in the summer while I was waiting for my admissions status.

I kept thinking to myself, do I really want to do this?

At the time, I did not know that I wanted to be a teacher.

I had thought about teaching when I was a freshman in college, but never actually pursued it.

I was always preached to about the security of having a professional job and the luxuries it brings along with it.

I thought that was the only way to go.

I saw the positive sides to being a professional, such as a pharmacist.

But during those 6 months of actually working in a pharmacy, I realized, I don't really love this job.

After working only 2 weeks as a PE teacher at the elementary school, I knew it was exactly where I was meant to be.

 I felt like I was doing something better with my life.

That I was actually helping these kids everyday.

The joy I got every time I saw these children was the biggest sign God could have ever given to me.

It took me 4 weeks after realizing teaching was my career choice to tell my father my decision.

I was still indecisive on the subject, weighing all the pros and cons to each career.

The pros to being a pharmacist:

The salary {obviously being paid double that of a teacher}

Job security

The cons to being a pharmacist:

Long 12 hour shifts multiple times a week

Very little vacation time

Not much time with my children {if I do have any}

The pros to being a teacher:

On the same time schedule as my children {if i do have any}

Being around children all day

Changing a child's life

Summers off {the biggest pro of all with Taylor playing professional baseball}

The cons of being a teacher:

The salary {half that of a pharmacist}

And me having to go back to school for the least 2 years

I decided after weighing the pros and cons of each, that if my only con of being a teacher was the salary, then the choice was easy.

I'm not going back to be a teacher for the pay.

I'm doing it because that's what I want to do with my life.

Decision made.

If you're reading this and realizing that you're being indecisive with what you want, remember...

You will never leave where you are until you decide where you would rather be.

And, make a decision to figure out what you want, and then pursue it passionately. 

#4 - Procrastinating on the goals that matter to you 

I have just begun a new job at the elementary school as the Operation UNITE Coordinator.

This job did require me to quit my PE job, but it allows me to have health insurance and $5,000 to go back to school with. 

Working as the Operation UNITE Coordinator, I am not tutoring 4th and 5th grade students in math and teaching a drug class to all 5th graders.

On top of all that, I also have to work with the academic team on quick recall and organize a UNITE club where I set up some of the older kids with mentoring the younger kids and bringing in many community service projects.

I miss seeing all my kids terribly in PE.

The hardest part is when tons of kids are coming up to you and asking, "Miss Masters, why did you quit us? We don't understand."

How do you tell a 6 year old that you had to take a different job because it's going to benefit you and help you get back on track with pursuing your dreams?

They are way too young to understand, but it breaks my heart every time another child comes up and asks.

Or when they come up to you and say, "Please come back to PE. We miss you."

 I know this new job is going to open up more doors for me and help me with my future.

I had to make the decision that was going to allow me to pursue my goal quicker.

I am starting back with college classes in the spring, along with doing this new job.

It's gonna be a pain in the rear taking online classes and working everyday, but I'm ready to get finished with my schooling to pursue my dream. 

No more procrastination for this girl.

If you are reading this and realizing that you have been procrastinating on the goals that matter to you, remember...

There are two primary choices in life: 

To accept conditions as the exist or accept the responsibility for changing them.

And, the best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. 

The second best time is now.

#5 - Choosing to do nothing

When you choose to do nothing, you are only hurting yourself.

You may think that you are helping others, but it is only taking that much more away from you.

By not standing up to my dad when I was first contemplating the whole pharmacy thing, I wasted time.

I could have been back in school this semester, working towards my degree.

But now, I'm having to work and wait another semester before beginning back on path.

So instead of being able to finish by 2013, I will now finish around 2014 or possible 2015.

All because I chose to do nothing because I was afraid of hurting my father.

Well not anymore.

From now on, it is all about me.

All about MY career, MY life, and MY future.

If you are reading this and realizing that you are choosing to do nothing, remember...

You don't get to choose how you're going to die or when.

You can only decide how you are going to live right now.

And, everyday is a new chance to choose.

#6 - Your need to be right

   

With this one, I would say it more so has to apply to my relationship rather than my career.

Taylor and I don't really fight that often, but I would be lying if I said we always agree on everything.

We have our little tiffs, but I have found that I do not always need to be right. {even though, all of us women know that we know better than our men}

My mother always raised me to choose my battles.

And sometimes, you have to decide, is this really a battle I want to pursue.

Is this something that I cannot step down from and need to prove the other person wrong?

What do we really gain from being right all the time?

What is so great about putting someone else down for being wrong?

Why not be the bigger person and let someone else be right for a change.

Now when I write this, don't get me wrong.

Taylor does not always feel that he needs to be right.

Taylor is the type of guy that if he's wrong, he will admit it.

He's always been that way and this is something I have learned from him that has helped me become a better person.

If you are reading this and realizing that you are always feeling the need to be right, remember...

Aim for success, but never give up your right to be wrong.

Because when you do, you will also lose your ability to learn new things and move forward with your life.

#7 - Running from problems that should be fixed

On this one, I could apply it to many different aspects in my life.

For instance, my car, issues with my dad, or a problem in my relationship.

For this one, I think I'll use my relationship as an example.

One of the biggest issues in my relationship with Taylor was where we wanted to settle down since we are from two different states along with his career as a professional baseball player.

As you all know, Taylor is traveling all over the place 6-8 months a year.

With that type of job, it is hard to decide exactly where you would like to plant roots.

If you choose to plant your roots somewhere while in the minor league system, we felt it wasn't a wise decision.

For a couple of reasons:

He could be traded any day without notice.

He could be moved up or down any day without notice.

So the question was, Kentucky or Colorado?

Of course, my thoughts were leaning towards Kentucky. 

I want to be with my family.

And of course, his thoughts were Colorado, to be with his family also.

Who could blame us for wanting to be with our families?

 After much deliberation, we came to the conclusion that Colorado was going to be the first place to plant our roots. {after I finish with college, of course}

Now, I know what you're thinking... What about YOUR family?

Since I am having to go back to school, I am having to get college loans.

Taylor's parents house is almost paid off, and then his dad is moving to Arizona to retire.

The house will be left to Taylor and Tyler. {no more house payments}

No more house payments = teacher paychecks paying off student loans quicker.

Since I will have to summers off, approximately 3 months, I will be able to travel home to see my family.

Taylor doesn't have that luxury with his career.

During the off season is the only time for him to see his family.

In order to be far to both of us, we decided this would be the best decision to begin.

If you are reading this and realizing that you have been running from problems that need to be fixed, remember...

Stop running!

Face these issues, fix the problems, communicate, appreciate, forgive and LOVE the people in your life who deserve it! 

#8 - Making excuses rather than decisions

On this one, I would like to talk about dieting and exercising.
I am always starting and quitting diets for a few reasons.
I don't see results quick enough.
I'm too tired from work that I don't feel like doing a workout.
Or my parents only have junk food in the house, so that's all I can eat.
These are all excuses.
When you really want something, the only thing that can stop you is yourself.
Especially in this situation.
Willpower.
That is what is needed to get the results that you want. 
My older brother has lost 90 pounds in almost 2 years, all while living at home.
He didn't make excuses.
He made the decision to take off the weight and that's what the did.
He is my inspiration.
Not that I'm fat or overweight, but to be healthy.
To get toned.
I am making the decision today and letting go of my excuses.

If you are reading this and realizing that you have been making excuses rather than decisions, remember...
Most long-term failures are the outcome of people who make excuses instead of decisions.


#9 - Overlooking the positive points in your life

I do believe that all baseball girlfriends/fiances/wives will be able to relate to me on this.
Or anybody in a long-term relationship, for that matter.
It's very easy to overlook all the positives going on in your life when there is one negative thing happening.
During the season, Taylor is gone all the time.
My parents do not let me travel with him or travel to see him.
During this past season, I traveled to one game, saw him pitched, and saw him for 15 minutes after the game.
That's it.
There were times when I would see all these other baseball girlfriends/fiances/wives travel to see their significant others multiple times throughout the months and it would make me jealous.
All I could think about is how unfair this all was.
But, I was overlooking the positives in my life.
How Taylor was being so supportive of our relationship everyday and trying his best to make me happy during this time apart.
How Taylor traveled on his off day for 3 1/2 hours to spend less than 24 hours with me.
How Taylor would send me little surprise gifts when times were getting tough to remind me how much he loved me.
I might not have been able to travel with my boyfriend or hardly see him during the season, but I know he was the most supportive boyfriend I could have ever asked for during this time apart.

If you are reading this and realizing that you have been overlooking the positive points in your life, remember...
What you see often depends entirely on what you're looking for.
And, you will have a hard time ever being happy if you aren't thankful for the good things in your life right now.


#10 - Not appreciating the present moment

Once again, I'm going to apply this to my relationship.
I find that this subject is perfect for #10.
The off season is the most precious time for all baseball girlfriends.
We actually get to be in a normal relationship for half of the year and it's awesome.
However, when you're from two different states, it's not as easy. {especially when they're so far apart}
With Taylor being from Colorado, he had to move back home during the off season.
He has to have a way of making money and he had a great job set up already back home.
So, after the season was over, Taylor came to Kentucky to visit me for 2 weeks.
Although I had to work during those 2 weeks, I was so great being able to come home to him everyday.
We could have spent those 2 weeks being depressed because we knew what was coming, {him have to move back home} but we didn't.
We enjoyed the heck out of those 14 days.
We didn't even acknowledge what was coming on day 14 until that day came.
We said our goodbyes and it was hard to let go of that hug, but I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Those 2 weeks would have been a whole different story if we hadn't appreciated the present moment.

 If you are reading this and realizing that you have not been appreciating the present moment, remember...
Too often we try to accomplish something big without realizing that the greatest part of life is made up of the little things.


I'm hoping this blog will help give you the perspective that you need to start bettering your life.
No one is near perfect, myself included, and I sometimes navigate into the wrong territory and forget one of these 10 things.
But, it helps going back and rereading these every once in a while to remind you how to get back on track.
Good luck on your journey's through life and remember how truly blessed each and everyone of you are.
Until next time...

Changes

It's been almost a month since my last post.

So much has happened that I'm not even sure I'll be able to cover it all.

Hmm, let's see where I left off last...

Ahh, yes.

It was back on the day my beetle bug stopped working on me.

Well, just to go ahead and skip to that part... It's dead once again.

And still sitting in the driveway.

And needs a new battery.

And probably will never get fixed until I do it myself {which means spending money I don't have}.

But let's try not to dwell on the negatives here...

I have now been working at my new job as a PE teacher for about five weeks.

I have loved every single second with those little kids.

I realized this is what I'm supposed to be doing as a career.

Not so much PE, but teaching in an elementary school.

So I stood up to my father and told him I didn't want to go to pharmacy school after all.

That didn't go too well...

It was just after working two weeks that I decided to tell my father.

I struggled terribly trying to figure out the best approach to telling him the news.

My mother beat the bullet and told him a few days before I got to him that she thought I didn't really want to do the whole pharmacy thing.

After talking with my older brother, Jonathan, I found the courage to tell my father.

My brother told me he wanted me to be happy ultimately and that dad would understand.

Well, that wasn't really the case.

After telling my father, he proceeded to tell me how awful my life was going to be.

How I would end up living under a bridge one day.

How I would never be able to pay my bills.

How I would never be able to have children because I wouldn't be able to afford them.

How I would always have to want for everything.

And lastly how he's never been more disappointed in me in his entire life.

I am now the fuck up of the family and the prime example of what not to do.

Ever since my talk with my dad, I have felt...

Worthless

Depressed

Empty

Dispirited

Inadequate

Thank God Taylor came home to Belfry a week later.

With Taylor back, he brought life back into me.

I was happy again - content.

My other half was home.

I'm very thankful for the two weeks I got to spend with Taylor, although it was not near enough time together.

Taylor left this past Friday to go back home to Colorado.

He has a job there giving pitching lessons at a sports complex.

And all of his family is there.

It's really hard not to be selfish in times like these.

With everything going on between my family and me, I need my best friend.

But, he's 1400 miles away with his family.

I'm hoping we'll be able to see each other around New Years.

It's really the only time I have off from work to be able to travel.

So, another countdown begins...

99 days and counting.

Until next time...