And the tears, they begin to fall...

Today was the first time I have cried since dropping Taylor off at the airport on June 10^th.

To be honest, I cannot pinpoint the one actual cause of my breakdown.

It was a cry unlike any other I’ve ever had.

It was desperation, loneliness, overwhelm, alteration, redundant, and stress.

STRESS

That six letter word can do so much to a person.

STRESS

Definition: Mental, emotional, or physical strain caused, e.g. by anxiety or overwork. It may cause such symptoms as raised blood pressure or depression.

STRESS

Synonyms: Pressure -- Strain -- Anxiety -- Tension -- Hassle -- Worry

The PRESSURE my father is putting on me to get into Pharmacy School.

The STRAIN I am putting on myself with my negativity.

The ANXIETY of checking my status everyday to see if I have been accepted yet or not at all.

The TENSION my nervousness/bad mood is putting between me and my family.  

The HASSLE of waiting and waiting to hear back from admissions.

The WORRY I have myself that I probably will not be starting Pharmacy School in August. 

It's weird...

After I began writing this post, I felt my body relieving some of the stress.

It's as if putting my breakdown into words has helped me determine the underlying cause.

And as I'm discovering why all this stress is upon me, I can't help but miss Taylor.

He would know exactly how to help relieve this stress.

And the tears begin to fall for a completely different reason.

I need to be held.

I need to feel his arms wrap around me, hugging me tightly, and whisper that everything is going to be okay.

That everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

That it's okay to cry.

Let it out.

It doesn't mean I'm weak.

It doesn't mean I'm vulnerable.

It just means that I've been strong for too long.

STRONG

Another six letter word, but totally different meaning.

STRONG

Definition: Having the necessary emotional qualities to deal with stress, grief, loss, risk, and other difficulties.

STRONG 

Synonyms: Resilient -- Spirited -- Robust -- Tough -- Durable -- Resistant

I will be RESILIENT if I do not get into Pharmacy School this year.  

I will remain SPIRITED whether I get accepted or not this year.

I will remain ROBUST and work harder for next year.

I am TOUGH enough to deal with all of the emotions from this stress and the long distance.

I am DURABLE and will be okay if this doesn't happen for me by August.

I will be RESISTANT to my father's remarks if I am not accepted.  

I am strong.

This one breakdown will not define me.

I will not let it take over my emotions any longer.

 Until next time...